GO GET HIM

AHHH! ponytails, ponchos, cancans, sally jessie raphael glasses and those stupid patent leather shoes my mother use to make me wear_ grrrrr!! oh, how i remember the bitter-sweetness of having to wear those things. oh yeahh, i definitely remember those days. in fact, i remember it like it was….. 22 yrs ago. lol. the things parents do to kids, smh… i LML.

i was the child that would be in the back of the house talking to my imaginary friend(s) while everyone else was in the front watching tv. i say friend(s) because if one of them made me mad… i would dismiss him/her for a minute and i would be left with one. anyway, i knew i was very different when i would run to the front of the house to watch the commercials while everyone else would get up to get food or drinks during the commercial breaks. i didn’t watch tv much, but i loved me some commercials (jello w/ bill was my fav). i just giggled. pssttt, here’s a lil something on yah girl.. i use to tilt my head to the side & cock my eyes and watch tv out the corner of them.. hahaha.. lets just say i looked odee confused; slow/crazy is such an un-cool word. lol. jk.

but i was known for being solo. very rarely would i venture with other kids unless i was doing some freaky stuff.. as time kept moving, i grew up and begin to have a desire to have friends. this transition began to happen when i hit jr. high. -____- . for the first time, i was about to experience a predominant black school. my other schools were probably 2% black population. why did i throw that info in there? because, i adapted to not being accepted in my former schools and i figured that: finally, people who are just like me… easy acceptance. WRONG ANSWER !!! those ninjas made it way harder for me, but nonetheless i adapted to that environment.

this time my adaption was not done in an introverted manner like before. i had to get like them ninjas or get got. that is what i thought back then. but no matter what I did, I still had problems with rejection. i may have shadowed the popular crowd, but i really wasn’t in it. shoot, all along i knew i was this cool girl, but no one could see it. no one took the time to notice because i did not look or act like him or her. i just wanted them ninjas to see what i could offer them, but they never stopped to recognize it.

im doing this in story format so you can stay interested in where i am going. if you are tired of reading… take a break and come back to it. i will minister in this blog eventually.

now, if you are still reading… ipray that God will bless you with what you are about to read. ipray that it will make some of you free and bring understanding to those who need it. amen.

ok, so… i go to high school & i have acquired a little status. i was not popular with the dudes though. FAR FROM IT…but i dated this one cat . now, this dude was what would make you say, “what was i thinking” when you would reminisce about your past. he was nice, but he showed his tail.. he was NOT my type, but i settled for him b/c i wanted to experience the hype of having a boyfriend and going to the movies… that stuff. but here is the problem, i wanted the jock, but i got the… “huh? boyfriend”. i am not tryna dog dude, im just setting up my point.

and here it is…. let’s go! this one is a thinker & it is only the surface of what i got in me to give out..

in growing up in life, one of the greatest things we search for is validation and confirmation once validation is given. to make it simple, we want proof that we are worth something and that we are important. once we have discovered this we often desire feedback from others to help prove what we have validated is true. i hope i did not lose you right there.

the thing about wanting validation is that it stems from not knowing your purpose OR knowing your purpose and not knowing the depth of impact you have in it. the danger in this is that it creates an opportunity for you to conform to what others say about you and you in the end will never come into the knowledge of who you TRULY are. you become the vain whispers of other individuals’ thoughts. (wow.. i like dat, lol.) sorry, im just typing as i think. other individuals’ thoughts are just that, thoughts that are not concrete in substance. many of us are living out our lives in this character that has no solid substance because we are other peoples’ imaginations.

i knew i was different from as early as i could remember. i noticed that i did not fit the norm. yes, i know, anyone can say this because we all have felt this way. but i felt like a misfit in the misfits. lol. nah, but truth is.. we are supposed to feel this way because God created us as individuals. we are original and being duplicates was not His intentions. as we come into ourselves, we seek to find whom we are. as children… we are so receptive to things and what people say.

when i was young, i believed that if i acted like them then they in turn could help me identify my importance and myself because they accepted what i had to offer. i felt like - accepting what I had to offer meant i was significant, but the problem was in this: what i had to offer was not me.. it was their thoughts about how i should act/look. (keep in mind that i was conforming to who they thought i should be) so, i continued to struggle with “WHO AM I” even when people began to accept them in me (catch that).

i wanted to know that the girl who watched commercials was significant. i wanted someone to show me that being “weird” was relevant and it had its place in the world. i wanted to hear that being a nerd was acceptable or being dark skinned was fresh. what i wanted was for someone to tell me… who i was.…....was exactly who i am. mahn, smhhhh… i hope you guys are really catching this. THINK ON WHAT I JUST SAID.

instead, i got this… who you are… is not “right”. so, i began to cultivate this mindset that said… someone else has to show me who i am because that is right. let me go to the boyfriend part i spoke of earlier.

i had mad low self-esteem. i did not believe anyone who looked good would want me. i believed that i had to date someone that was busted and someone that could not offer me anything because that is what i deserved. i thought i deserved that because… what i had to offer as myself (as Yolanda) was not good enough for THEM. them – the individuals that wanted me to offer them… them… in me. ok, umm… let me try to make it plain. they did not want who i was, they wanted who they wanted me to be. i hope you caught it… thinking, i should have video blogged this one, but i have typed too much already.. bare with me people. i’ll speed it up.

for the last 5 years… i have murmured and complained about having a mentor in my life that would teach me and instruct me in how to walk out my purpose. i got real mad at God when i saw other people getting these midwives that would help birth them out in the spirit. they would get these “this is your call” prophecies. every prophetic word i got was healing. everyone else would get these great purpose prophecies. i was hottt at my Father. i did not understand it. i was trying to figure out who i was and what i had to offer in this world. it was like, no one sees anything in me.. am i meant to be insignificant and just a body that breathes until breathe is gone? why did You create me to be nothing? i was buggin, but that is real talk right der.

what began to happen was a resurfacing of my past and acceptance issues. the spirit of rejection really began to minister to me at that point. i did not care anymore because i was like, i am trying to accept being who i am but You won’t even confirm that for me God. where You at? i said it with a grand attitude too, i got rebuked.. but that is where i was. i could not shake that spirit for 5 years.....5 years. but Glory to God… i am FREE FROM THAT THANG!! I DON’T SAY IT LIGHTLY. that spirit takes you to depths of hopelessness, lifeless purpose, deep rebellion, etc.. but that is another lesson & i am not going to get on that in this blog.

back to my point, i was seeing those who i prayed with get confirmation on their calls. i saw people that would take them in and nurture their spirits and birth them into dimensions.. while i was STILL alone in birthing myself. eventually, some people came along to labor in my life but for some reason…God would move them out of my life just as i began to think.. cool, i got someone to help me now..

i wanted someone to see something in me and pull it out of me. i wanted them to validate the call God placed on my life. i wanted to make sure that it was acceptable because man could see it. as you can see the cycle never was broken.

from ponytails to being a woman of God… i was still in this cycle of identity crisis. the ministry follows.. lets go!

God spoke to me and told me that too often we expect others to bring us into our purpose. we expect pastors, leaders, mentors, prophets, etc. to show us what we are supposed to be doing and who we are in the Body of Christ. we want our confirmation from a prophecy or a “word”. the ironic thing is: i have heard many words given to others and me that were not from God, but yet i was still seeking for MAN to give me a word. who is man, like really.. who is he?

i asked God calmly this time, “why do You send people my way to labor in my life and then You remove them in a matter of days? why will You not allow someone to be a mentor in my life?”

He answered me calmly… because, I have to break this cycle you have been in bondage with since you were little. I moved them on purpose. I want you to know who you are because I told you. I want you to know your importance in the world because I showed you. I want YOU to come after me, not a prophecy… that moved you. (come on somebody). I want you to touch Me, not someone else’s motivation that you moved on. you are in a dimension where I want you to know how to COME GET IT. I have given you everything you need in this life, but you need to know how to GO GET IT. you are expecting natural forces to bring you your supernatural stuff. (mahn, crucial). you need to know who you are. because you have allowed others to tell you that for so long… I want to make sure that when you find out, you know it is not them, but it is I, your Maker, who has identified you.

you want a prophecy Yolanda? seek My face. you want a word Yolanda? learn my word and get in My face. you want to know the depth of your purpose, get on the floor. (i wish you could feel what i just felt). it is only by My Spirit that people go to deeper dimensions, not by a midwife. i will elevate you and take you from Glory to Glory. yea, I will do these things. I appeared to you in a vision, shall I not perform it?

I am deleting THEM from you. I am shaping you. your acceptance must come from Me. your validation must come from Me. if I approve you, then no man can disapprove you. if I validate your purpose, no man can say you are vain. if I give it to you… then no one can take it away. I do not want you to have a compromising Spirit, get in My face. I am Holy and that is what you are to be, nothing less. you take on my image, you avoid the image of man.

it is true… I give you apostles, prophets, preachers, teachers, and evangelists to help edify you. but I did not give them to tell you… who you are. that is My place.

you have been rejected for who you are, I know.. but I AM here to deliver you from that spirit and heal you. if you find yourself in Me, you will see that you are My Son... and from this day when you are rejected.. they will not reject you, but it will be Me that they reject. FOR.. I took your place. I took your life and exchanged it for Mine. OMG, i can stop right here.. to live is Christ and to die is gain. i gain His peace, righteousness, i gain HIM.. i dont have to worry about rejection no more because im crucified with Christ, nevertheless i live,, yet not i, but it is the Christ that lives in me.... how can you not love Him.. He took my place in ALL things... Hallelujah !!!  Thank You Jesus..

you guys.. it is soooo much God has given me and i could go on, but i will stop here cuz im getting jacked up over hea.

Exhortation in Truth: many of us do not have the privilege of having solid spiritual mentors in our lives. for those of you that do, DO NOT take it for granted because it truly is a privilege. for those of you that do not have that discipleship, it is also a privilege. DO NOT take it as a negative thing. consider it an opportunity to seek the face of God more. realize that what you learn and obtain is strictly from God. began to see God when you don't see Him. He is always present. the Holyghost is the teacher of all things. God is the revealer of all things. who taught Jesus He was a High Priest? who imparted truth in His Spirit that He was the Son of the Living God? who revealed to Him the depth of His purpose even in the Garden of Gethsemane? God, His Father.

it came because He was in His face. no man could tell Him He was The Great Prophet or the Messiah. He already knew that from where He came from.

seek God for yourselves and quit expecting man to take you to your next dimension or confirm whom you are. God will bring the confirmation in due season. you have to find Him yourself and allow Him to show you who you are and what you are supposed to be doing. therefore, when someone comes along to tell you that "God said you are......" you can try that spirit. you will be able to receive the truth or reject a lie. seeking God for yourself will establish an authentic call and not a “THEM” call. i am not saying others cannot help along the way and confirm what God has already told you, but God wants YOU to COME GET HIM, not an influence. with that being said… GO GET HIM !!

1God-1Luff-1Faith ...   

The plan of salvation is available (always) if you want to be saved; it is at the top of this page. If you want Jesus to be THE Lord of your life, pray it with sincerity and allow God to change your life and build your morals in Truth. Prayer request are always welcome! We are here to set the captive free through His grace. God Bless You All and please respond. Fellowship is awesome, not debating. LOL.

me & oh' abe

oh boi, do i feel like abraham with a collab of david? geesh! this post will be a small piece of what is on my heart. i am in this season where i am following God and i have no idea of what is going on. i have a vision of where i am going, but the process or journey has baffled me. i have been perplexed before in this walk, but this is something on a whole new level. i heard you say, "this will be a year of great faith", but God... i didn't know You was going to present it to me like this. every facet of my life is being challenged. and i mean every single one. if you are a rational or practical person, you would probably feel me on this. 

i feel like abe because of the journey im walking to get to where God showed me. i know i am not the only one, but just blogging, this may bless some of you in this season of Faith. anyway, when abraham was called, he obeyed God by going out to a place that he was to receive for an inheritance and he knew not where he was going. but that is not the part of the journey that got me baffled, it’s this part. let's go...

abraham did not have practical faith, humanly speaking. he had blind faith where he just got up, left everything, and trusted God to bring him into this land of great inheritance. im going off of hebrews 11. 8-10. so, because he obeyed God you would think that he would inherit a lot of material possessions and a lot of land. well peep this.. he did not. he dwelt as a stranger IN the promise land... (vs. 9: By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise) hmmm? 

so, you telling me he was a stranger in the land that was promised him? yup. but check this.. i believe it was by choice that he did not own any of it. i say this b/c of vs. 10 (for he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God). to the practical mind, the inheritance would be the buildings, the land, the dominion, the politics, etc.. but remember, abraham did not have this practical faith. oh abe was looking at the spiritual promises of God and not the earthly rewards. 

so, how does this tie in to me? well, i feel like i am in a place where i am an alien in my current land. this includes my church, social life, corporate life, etc. it is a place where i can see the evidence of the promise land, but i cannot partake in it. this is hard to explain. there is something greater that i must live for and fix my eyes on. i'll try to explain how i feel..... 

picture this, sicily 1922.. ikidd. ok, picture a 6 figure job, perfect health, great social status/influence, a flawless home, resources or connections for anything, etc... now, picture all of this on a table before you. now, just look at it because you can't touch it... but here's the twist, this is your stuff.

meanwhile, if you turn around there is a table that has these elements: a vision in literature, a gift card to home depot, a list of phone #s and addresses of people that do not know you... now, this is the table that the Holy Spirit tells you to gather your things from.

now my ninjas, you already.... that's all i'm going to say on that. LOL.

so many times we see people obtain things with great ease. we are in this era where everything must come to us promptly. we want to see what we are investing our lives (self, money, time, etc.) into. we don't exercise authentic faith, but practical faith. i feel the promises of God all around me and there are some things that i have to decline, even if it will bring me great earthly gain. 

b/c i have my eyes on spiritual blessings, i have this crucial war going on in mind because it tends to rationalize everything. have you ever noticed when you walk in faith that everything seems to manifest for everyone around, except you? or, you can obtain the same things but God says no... not yet? this is where i am. 

the purpose for table 1 & 2: table 1 has everything you would want. table 2 has everything you need. table 1 shows you tangible & finished products. but lo.. table 2 does too but you just can't see it YET. see, on table 2 there is a vision provided. the gift card to home depot is for you to buy the necessary materials to build your home. the list of people is for you to labor and make an impact in their lives. see, you have the list.. they do not know you.

God was telling me that He has given me a vision. He knows what tools to use to bring it to pass. He knows who i need to connect with to accomplish the vision He has for me. there will be hard labor and though i cannot see the final product, i know that i have everything i need to make it tangible. the people He set before me are not just there.. He has strategically allowed me to meet people. they are not irrelevant people that the enemy throws in my way... remember, God gave the list of people.. if i choose to add to it or allow others to add to it.. then that becomes my problem because my associations would be pointless. 

the problem with table 1 lies here: it is a job that is not part of God's vision. the home is of another man's vision. social influence is cool, but when you are connected to the wrong people in your life.. your destiny will be put on hold. there is no work for table one. therefore, a lack of faith is more subject to reside. Faith without works is dead. i see table 1, but i cannot partake of it because i am led by the Spirit and obedient to God, i will continue to work so that the vision given me will be presented like it is supposed to. 

exhortation in truth: truth is, i want to cry sometimes because i want things to just fall in my lap. i wonder how much longer i got till some of my desires come to pass. but, i choose to trust God and use what He has provided for me. my career, social life, etc. should not usurp my vision of spiritual blessings. the wisdom i have gained, the knowledge i have obtained, the backbone of me that has been strengthen, the no compromise mentality that has been developed, and i could go on and on... are things that i have and are continuing to inherit in this land of promise around me. 

be like abraham in faith.... keep your eyes fixed on the spiritual blessing. physical elements does not denote prosperity or blessings. he knew that His reward was to dwell in the presence of God.. heb. 11:10. even if  you do not understand what  you are doing and you feel like you are really laboring... keep doing so.. though the vision may tarry.. wait for it because it will surely come to pass (if God gave it).

The plan of salvation is available (always) if you want to be saved; it is at the top of this page. If you want Jesus to be THE Lord of your life, pray it with sincerity and allow God to change your life and build your morals in Truth. Prayer request are always welcome! We are here to set the captive free through His grace. God Bless You All and please respond. Fellowship is awesome, not debating. LOL.