A Quick Soliloquy

The war is in the mind, but the sacrifice is in the heart. Ask me what's my greatest war & I'll tell you "my heart". I've lost very close family members, I've battled for my health & life, I've been hurt by the church mafia, and etc... But none of these things trumps the mental war I have with my heart. It has been a crazy battle to get my desires to become God's desires and it still is. It is hard to put the word on a desire that is evident in hopes to transform it into evidence that is not seen.

Here's a truth : there are things that I want that God will never agree to. Oh but wait, let me not mention the things that I have to kill that He does not want to live. Boy of boy... that is a hard sacrifice. My mind says kill it or let it go, but my heart says... do you know the suffering you will have to walk out if  you do? Good thing is, my mind is not ignorant. LOL. I got the Holy Ghost spitting knowledge for every rebuttal my flesh tends to spit out. (Hmm, think Ima put that in a rap, haha).

Back to the subject at hand. The truth is, with the sacrifice or not... I will go through some kind of suffering period. It is part of life and the Christian walk. The word of God says: If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us (2 Timothy 2:12). So, no matter how my heart feels... I have to remember to tell it what to do. Giving up what it wants (when it is contrary to God's will) presents a broken and contrite heart. Yolanda, that is what God will not despise (Ps. 51:17).

I think I'm going to end this blog here because I was venting to myself. LOL. I had to encourage myself in the Lord. No matter how hard the battle is, I must remember the truth_ the HolyGhost is living on the inside of me. He is my comforter. So, when I begin to feel the separation and suffering from the things I must sacrifice... He will bring forth comfort. If I just keep my mind on Jehovah, He will keep me in perfect peace through the war. And when I want to give in to the lust of my flesh (my emotions) the Holy Ghost always seems to whisper to me__"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul.... To live is Christ and to die is gain Yolanda". That is a guarantee KO every friggin time. LOL, but I Thank You Heavenly Father.

Exhortation in Truth: We are quick to say, Follow your heart! I do not agree with this statement. Your heart will get you into some trouble if it is not after God. I say, sacrifice it & follow the Spirit of God. Allow God to show you your heart and what you need to follow and what you need to release. For, _The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? The heart is the place of sacrifice, the mind is the battle field that will equip you to deal with such a battle.

To end this soliloquy: The war is in the mind, but the sacrifice is in the heart. Yolanda, it really is mind over matter. Walk in the renewed part of your mind, not in the part of your heart that needs to be sacrificed. That my love is destined to be a dead thing, hence the word sacrifice. Life is in the word; it is ever so alive. #TRUTH  :) ... I choose my renewed mind!

The plan of salvation is available (always) if you want to be saved; it is at the top of this page. If you want Jesus to be THE Lord of your life, pray it with sincerity and allow God to change your life and build your morals in Truth. Prayer request are always welcome! We are here to set the captive free through His grace. God Bless You All and please respond. Fellowship is awesome, not debating. LOL.

Servant Hood vs. Release pt. II

Part 2 Starts Here: John 2:1-11

Jesus’ first miracle was turning water into wine. At this event, Jesus calls his mother woman. This is not the only instance where Jesus calls his mother woman. He also calls her woman in John 19:26 (Woman, behold your son). <-- He was speaking to Mary from the cross.

…. From this point on, my blog will focus on my revelation from God. I say this because this is my personal conviction and it may not adhere to what you believe. Anyways, let’s go -->

When Jesus called Mary woman, I do not believe He disrespected his mother. Woman was like saying madam. Likewise, Jesus calls many women in the bible, woman. This does not mean he degraded who they were. The language back in the day was way different than what it is now. In my rationalizing, I believe that Jesus called Mary mother as He was growing up. I don’t believe that He called her woman all His life. I believe this because it was at the wedding that the term “woman” was first introduced when He spoke of His mother.

I also believe that Jesus served His mother as He grew up. He obeyed and did what she required of Him. He probably took out the trash, killed a couple of chickens.. lol (jk), labored where she asked Him, and etc. He was perfect, he obeyed His mother in the Lord for it was right and He honored both His father and mother. He was the word. He did it right.

So, this is where I am going with this:

Mary understood she was Jesus’ mother. She knew she had a son that loved her and would obey her words. She knew who He was and the power that He possessed. After all, she mentioned the circumstance to Him (the failing of the wine or the lack of the wine). She also told the servants to do whatsoever He would have them to do. She had expectancy for a miracle to be performed.

Now, I believe Mary got caught up in motherhood at this point. I do not believe she had a great focus on the “timing” for Jesus to reveal His glory. I believe this because Jesus says, “mine hour is not yet come”. In this same verse, He says, “Woman, what have I to do with thee? The verse reads like this :: Woman, what have I to do with thee? Mine hour is not yet come.

Jesus calls his mother woman because Mary must not think of Him as her son only. He is the Messiah and He has a work to fulfill. The revelation of who He is, The Son of God, must be revealed at the perfect time.

Now, he turned the water into wine. He still served his mother, but He had to show the release of obligation by calling her woman. Jesus understood that He was her son, but He also understood who He was and what His purpose was. The distinction and release had to be made known to the woman He grew up serving all his life.

Just like with ministry, spiritual parents cannot be so caught up on the parenthood aspect of things that they forget to pay attention to who they are actually raising. Likewise, spiritual children must be able to separate themselves for the purpose when it is appropriate. Jesus did not call her mother, but He HAD to show the separation.

We see this with parents and their children. Parents are to train up a child in the way that he/she should go. They are to release them to back to God for His purpose. But sometimes parents find it hard to let go of their children because of the investment they put into their lives. Some fear that their children will not make it in the world. Some parents are so attached to their children that they do not believe anyone else will have their best interest in mind. Some parents do not want to let go of their children because they build their lives and identity around them. The problem in all of this is that parents can miss seeing who their child was created to be because they only see who they are in their world.

Ministry leaders must look beyond who their spiritual children are in ‘their’ world and recognize who they are in ‘this’ world. You are still mom and dad when your child is living the life they were created to, even if you are not the actively involved in it. (Speaking about members leaving ministries and establishing personal ministries b/c God called them to).

Moving along… if you read the previous blog, this part will not seem foreign to you:

The problem I faced, with the ministries I attended, was … not being able to separate when the purpose called for it. I felt like this: … because I was a spiritual daughter, I had no right to say “woman” to my spiritual parents. As a result, I never identified my purpose and myself appropriately. My identity was based on who they trained me to be. The identity that said I was to serve at a ministry and not establish a separate ministry. An identity that said I was their intercessor, leader, and/or member. But the truth is, I am God’s intercessor/creation. But I was so stuck on serving my ministry that I could not recognize who He was training me outside of our world (My spiritual leaders and myself).

I had to learn how to say “woman” when it came to who I was. I had to learn how to walk in the separation of man’s ministry vs. God’s ministry. I still had/have to serve, but there must be an identification of you are outside of spiritual leaders/parents.

Let’s go to the next example: Garden of Gethsemane. Matthew 26:36-46.

Jesus takes His disciples with Him to the Garden of Gethsemane and tells them to sit here and pray. Jesus is fully aware that His hour has come to complete His purpose on earth. Here is a brief description of the text.

Jesus goes to pray. He returns to the disciples and He sees that they are all asleep. He asks them if they could keep watch with him for one hour. Jesus goes back and prays more. He then returns to His disciples a 2nd time; the disciples are still sleeping. He left them and went back to pray. The 3rd time He returned to His disciples, He said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting…?”

Where am I going with this?

The disciples followed Jesus and served Him in ministry. They were released and taught by Him. More importantly, they were served by Jesus.

When it came to completing His purpose on earth, it was His cross to bear. He had to pray His flesh dead. The disciples were asleep. It was not their responsibility to make sure Jesus went to the cross. It was up to Him to complete His purpose. He could not rely on the people serving Him. If He had, all of mankind would be destined for hell. The disciples were knocked out and they did not understand the urgency of the moment. They did not understand the magnitude of His purpose, otherwise… they probably would have been praying and not sleeping.

Here is what I am saying: do not expect people that serve you to fulfill your purpose. It is something you must do on your own. It is no one’s responsibility to fulfill your call or bring your vision to pass. We give others that serve us things to do that will assist in our ministries, but in the end… it is your job to fulfill your purpose.

Jesus understood that. He went back to pray 3 times. He had to get Himself ready because the disciples could not help Him at that time. He had to remember why He came down to earth in the first place, to be our propitiation for sin.

This leads me to the leaders of ministries.

There are servants & members in your congregation that you disciple. Some have grown into mature Christians and powerful leaders. There are some who will remain stagnant and some that will never assist you in bringing your vision to past.

As a leader, it is a heart’s desire to have people invest in your life and ministry like you have done in theirs. It’s the reciprocity factor that we all look forward to. But, the truth is… not all people you pour into will give you something back. This is where you must continue to go back to the Garden and keep praying until you accomplish the work you were sent to do. (Just like Jesus did with the disciples).

If they never help, it is still your responsibility to complete the call. It is a cross that you must bear. You cannot give up if your congregation, or whoever, chooses not to assist you with completing the vision/purpose. God will give you the strength and ability to accomplish the call. He did that with Jesus. It is God that gave Jesus the peace to walk out of the Garden of Gethsemane for mankind.

The disciples did not help, they were all asleep. It does not mean that they did not love Him or serve Him in ministry. They did and they did works right along with Him, but for this particular purpose (taking His cross)… Jesus had to do it on His on. They did not pray Him through it, they were asleep. He prayed Himself through it. This should be encouragement to leaders that feel like they have no help. YOU CAN PRAY YOURSELF OUT OF THE GARDEN and ACCOMPLISH THE PURPOSE… even when the people you have taught is asleep. Be encouraged and keep pressing.

I’m going to end the blog with this: Servant hood is a must in the Body of Christ. However, one cannot be so focused on serving ministers and ministries that he/she forgets to serve God. We are more than someone’s protégé; we are God’s creation first. We were created to serve Him and accomplish the tasks He sent us to do. You have to identify yourself outside of leaders; you must know who you are in God and why you are here. There has to be a release.

Exhortation In Truth: To the world (and some Christians), it may seem disrespectful to identify the separation between leadership and servant hood, but there has to be a point where you begin to walk in the purpose you were created for. Release does not mean servant hood becomes void, it simply means that what you are called to do is no longer restrained. Do not get my words twisted... in no way am I saying one should abandon servant hood to ministry/leaders; I am simply saying, do not be so caught up in ministry that you forget to fulfill the GOD ordained purpose for your life. Identify who you are like Jesus did with His mother. Do not continue to let people and churches define and govern who you are and what you do for the Kingdom. Allow God to define and govern you.... I guarantee that servant hood, respect for leadership, and humility will flow appropriately.

Figuratively Speaking: There are many Juanita Bynums, TD Jakes, Joyce Meyers, Lester Sumralls, Billy Grahams, etc. I believe ‘one’ reason we do not see them in abundance is because we never identify who God created us to be on this earth. We sit in church and allow it to label us and not God. Begin to ask God, Who Am I really? Why am I created… in this dispensation? What is it that I am supposed to do that no one else can do?

To end, Heavenly Father, I pray that you will give each individual that is reading this the wisdom to walk in unity with the Body while they fulfill the personal call you gave them accomplish. I decree that they will not walk in division, but will walk in agreement with the Body of Christ… serving one God, You.. El Elyon. Open their eyes to see who You created them to be and let the purpose You have given them start to manifest with clarity from this moment on. Set fire to their feet to run the course you have set before them with no hindrances. Sever ungodly ties that hinders your Kindgom work. These things I ask and decree in Jesus name. Be Glorified, Amen.

Be encouraged and be who you were created to be by God, not mankind. Luff yahz!

The plan of salvation is available (always) if you want to be saved; it is at the top of this page. If you want Jesus to be THE Lord of your life, pray it with sincerity and allow God to change your life and build your morals in Truth. Prayer request are always welcome! We are here to set the captive free through His grace. God Bless You All and please respond. Fellowship is awesome, not debating. LOL.

Servant Hood vs. Release

Hello Lovely World!

I have not blogged in a hot minute. Sorry!

This blog will touch on some personal things that I have faced within the last year of my life. Will I get real personal? Of course not. I do not know half of you guys reading this. Lol. However, I will give surface to some things that I believe will help others gain insight to purpose. It will be a series of blogs....  meaning, THERE WILL BE OTHERS THAT FOLLOW. I will reveal the post date of my next blog at the end of this reading.

Real quick, I want to expose some light to the audience of my blog. Thank you to those who follow my blog on blogger and to those who follow and expound with comments on facebook and/or twitter. I would like to thank those of you that have taken the time to read my posts who are not followers of mine on any social network. Thanks and love to those who stop by and partake in my thoughts from around the world. As of now, this blog has had over 10,000 + views and has touched over 5 countries. Russia, France, United Kingdom, and many more. So, this is a quick shout out of gratitude to my readers and loyal followers. Now, to the blog -->

Often we live our lives trying to please people by bringing some form of satisfaction that would suffice their needs. It is seen in marriages, friendships, ministry, and other life relationships. This my friend is what I call servanthood. We serve our friends, husbands, wives, pastors, bosses, etc. because we understand that they need us in certain areas of their lives. Rather it be to run a business, church, marriage, or etc., people need people to help serve them. As we serve others, we have the ability to put our minds, hands, and feet in places that they may not be able to. This is an awesome thing, but it poses a threat. Sometimes, we can be so caught up in trying to suffice the needs of people that we become blinded to the necessity of cultivating our own needs. In addition, those whom you serve can cause you to slip into bondage because they will not release you. They may exploit your servanthood by keeping you around for selfish ambitions. I want to talk about the servanthood aspect of life more than anything. The reason why :: it is what I have been learning about the most within this last year.

As Christians, we are taught that servanthood is the greatest of all things. Well, ....outside of love. This is true. However, not often are we taught the appropriate balance for such a position. Some individuals live their lives in bondage to ministers and ministries because they do not understand "the call of release". Some will never fulfill vision and purpose because they walk in subservience and not submission. As men and women of God, we are trained that our service or obligation to ministers, positions, and ministries determines how teachable, faithful, and mature we are. This holds true, but wisdom must be exercised in all things. There are times when your season of serving for a particular ministry or minister will expire. This does not say that you lack faithfulness in servanthood or that you are immature and unteachable. It simply says that I have accomplished what God has called me to do in regards to the ministry, the position, or the individual. 

Take the release when God calls it. Do not let the mentality of "I must stay because I was called here or I grew up here" trip you up. Do not let the history of a thing (how long/short you have been serving at that ministry) determine your next season. God can call you to serve for weeks, months, or years. Whatever the time window is, serve and move on when He releases you from that obligation. When you do not take the release God calls, you put yourself in bondage. Release frees you to do other duties or take on other obligations. You cannot fulfill the next phase of your life when you are still in a place that God has called you out of, There is nothing left for Him to do there. That is why many of us do not grow or experience the "Glory to Glory" aspect of the Christian walk. Be careful not to get caught up on the people you serve, do not let your relationships bring you into subservience. Serve wisely in ALL relationships.

NOW_ do not get me wrong. I am not saying that everyone who leaves ministries and callings are in right standing. I am NOT justifying people leaving without God's release. There are people who have left ministries, callings, servanthood, etc. without God's permission. I do not justify that. I do not judge it either because I did it and I was not in right standing at that time. No matter how hard I "tried" to justify my rights for leaving (never got justified), it was not a God given release. It was wrong. But thank God for grace and mercy that allowed me to get back in position and serve until the GOD ORDAINED release came.

Anyways, back to my topic: This is about to get sticky. I think I may mess up some Super Saints psyche with this one.

Often. we neglect the ministry God calls us to because we are too busy serving others. We can get so caught up in serving others that we forget to fulfill OUR purpose as we serve. I will use myself as an example. I know that God has called me for such a time as this. I know what I am called to do, I know who I am called to, and I know where I am called to. I am still learning the depth of each because dimensions, seasons, and destinations change - so, I do not have the exclusive on it. But, from what I have learned.... I can tell you that I was at a place that hindered the advancement of my purpose and my vision. I was more faithful in being someone else's vision than being faithful in being my vision. My pastor said something that became a nugget for me. She said, "Don't let anybody write you into their vision"... .

Because of the mentality I had about servanthood, or shall I say the improper balance, I was not fulfilling my call. I was more faithful to exercise the knowledge I learned about servanthood than to exercise the call of purpose. Basically, I was a faithful servant that was ignorantly unfaithful to serving my call. As a result, I began to think that I was waiting on God. Wow!, How many people are stuck in this mindset? (rhetorical). Reread that because that is crucial. I'll just retype it :: Basically, I was a faithful servant ......  that was "ignorantly" unfaithful to serving MY call. As a result, I began to think that I was waiting on God. 

I did not understand that I had to cause some things to come forth; I did not understand the intensity of labor I had to exercise to bring my purpose forth. I had to focus on my call sometimes and that would cause me to release certain obligations I established at my church. For example: attending or participating in every church event on the church calendar. In fulfilling my purpose, I had to nurture and birth certain things. That alone required me to be more attentive to my call. So, there were certain things that I obligated myself to in servanthood that I had to release. I did not say I released servanthood, but some things God released me from. There was an improper balance. Especially, as I began to mature and walk in the call. Do you get my point? I hope so... if not, ummmm... yeah. 

I began to believe that I was waiting on God because I was taught that your leaders will call your gifts out, confirm your call, ordain you when the time was right, etc. This is not incorrect teaching, but its not complete teaching either. I am not saying my pastors taught me this, but the actions of "the church" did. I did not began to walk in what I know God was calling me to do outside of the ministry because I felt that He would have told my leaders when it was time. So, I assumed I was waiting on God for activation when He had already activated me. Now, that does NOT mean that I can just go do me without a proper covering or pop off in ministry without the proper release of my leadership. But it does mean that there are times when God will call me to do something that will not require permission from my leaders. For example: feeding the homeless, interceding outside of the church, ministering at work, etc. Are we so caught up in serving our own ministries/ministers that we forget to serve outside of the four walls? Or is that, we feel like we cannot proceed in ministry because our pastors have not given us the okay to minister to people outside of the ministry? Think about it. I am not saying go hold conferences, but everyday ministry to nonbelievers and believers should be going on outside of a church. Are we in subservience to servanthood or submission to servanthood?

NOW__ There are those pastors/leaders that will see the call in you, activate you, and then release you. Sometimes it happens like that, but what about the times when it does not? What about the times that leaders do not care about shepherding, but care for the paycheck? What about the times when leaders refuse to pray or hear God for direction? How will they know when God is ready to activate you? Yes, God can speak to them for your sake... but I'm just throwing out some serious questions. What about the leaders that activate anybody and put people in callings that they are not called to? Who's to say that ... you are in the right ministry? Maybe your Elijah is in another state Elisha. (Someone just got confirmation). Just maybe... God has called you to serve at another ministry. 

What I am saying is: You have to make sure you are in sync with God because we all are human; we can all miss the will of God. Your activation may be in your release. We cannot be so caught up in the faithfulness of serving man that we miss the call of faithfully serving God in or own purpose. As I always say, DO NOT GET ME TWISTED... servanthood is needed and should not be underestimated. It is imperative that we serve, but it is imperative that we fulfill purpose as well. Serve in your ministries until God releases you, serve the man and woman of God, & serve your leaders. The greatest among you shall be the servant. Just know the balance.

Jesus shows us a proper balance in doing both, serving while fulfilling purpose. I will expound on this in my next blog post. The 2 examples that I will speak of are: Jesus' First Miracle (Water into Wine) and the Garden of Gethsemane.

To end for now:  

Wisely decipher subservience vs. servanthood. Know when to render service unto man and when to relinquish service. Some things are not your obligation. Some things are and you may not know it yet.

If you do not understand the call for release, how does purpose become emancipated? 

That is a question that God is still giving me knowledge, wisdom, and understanding on. It is definitely something you should ponder! My next blog post will explore this --> (Mid August).

The plan of salvation is available (always) if you want to be saved; it is at the top of this page. If you want Jesus to be THE Lord of your life, pray it with sincerity and allow God to change your life and build your morals in Truth. Prayer request are always welcome! We are here to set the captive free through His grace. God Bless You All and please respond. Fellowship is awesome, not debating.

Casablanca Lily, Love

Hello World,

It has been a while since I last put my thoughts in tangible form. Well, this blog will be short. I just wanted to blog a small poem about how I feel this day. It has nothing to do with Valentines Day. I don’t need a holiday day to emphasize or express my feelings. Today, it just happens to be V-Day. But to the poem, let’s go:

Oh Love_

You are like a Casablanca Lily…
Elegance to the eye, Delicate in touch
Oh how I enjoy the array of colors that twinkles from your substance…
Even in a time of darkness…
You bloom with a refined fragrance.
Oh how rare you are.
I call you beauty even though your name is …LOVE
     - hodgest

Just Cause :: Casablanca Lily – It is a hybrid to oriental lilies. It is used in perfumes and weddings. The fragrance of the lily is breathtaking and the colors vary from white, yellow, orange and purple to pink. But out of its qualities, I chose this flower because it blooms at night!

That is how I feel today. Through all the things I have been through and the things I am currently dealing with, God still has allowed me to bloom. In my darkest seasons, God opens me up and releases the fragrance of His anointing that is on my life. He allows people to see my life and interact with me because there is something in me that attract them to me. They see beauty and sense a sense of freshness, but little do they know it is all brought forth at night. It is the Love of God that endures ALL things and finds a way to permeate into other people lives.

I have a new found confidence in who I am and a true perspective of what I am worth. The flower is expensive and rare; it is used for celebration. I and my life are to be celebrated, nothing less. ONLY because my life has to line up to what God has created me to be. I am not common; I know that I am very rare in form. I am Yolanda and there is only one me. My personality, my heart, my flaws, ME… are all unique qualities. And that alone is to be celebrated.

Exhortation: To the readers :: Don’t regret the dark nights and seasons you go through for God will bring you forth to a flourishing finish. Forget the people that will pass you by and not invest in your rarity and beauty. When the right people, with the right heart come along, they will see your worth and invest in you. People will pick you for who you are and not by what you can do for them. Your beauty alone will draw them. You deserve to be celebrated. Don’t settle for anything less anymore. So, today… I feel like a Casablanca Lily… secretly matured in nights, beautifully discovered in mornings. I feel ….LOVE.

The plan of salvation is available (always) if you want to be saved; it is at the top of this page. If you want Jesus to be THE Lord of your life, pray it with sincerity and allow God to change your life and build your morals in Truth. Prayer request are always welcome! We are here to set the captive free through His grace. God Bless You All and please respond. Fellowship is awesome, not debating. LOL.